5 Ways You Sabotage Your Relationship

1. 1.  You Give and Give and Give and Give
   Have you heard the one about the doting girlfriend or boyfriend who gave their heart for three years, only for the person to say that they’re not the marrying kind? And then when they break up, they turns around and proposes three months later.

The problem is when a over giving person holds it against the partner — as if they are a martyr — and the person suddenly feels very guilty and, even worse, obligated.

If you enjoy being a giving person, then by all means, keep it up. Just understand that it’s like putting money into a bank that has a hole on the bottom — you can’t expect to cash in (say, like for a commitment from a jerk). Do nice things because you want to — and don’t forget to be a little selfish too.

2.    You Over Communicate
With all the Facebooking, tweeting, IMing, e-mailing, and texting going on, it might feel impossible to not communicate a lot with your person, at least indirectly. But all that extraneous info about what you’re doing dissolves your alluring mystery. We’ve all heard the phrase that familiarity breeds contempt, but in this age of social networking, perhaps familiarity breeds something worse: boredom.”

3.    You Air All Your Frustrations to Your Friends
Admit it: A good venting session with your girls feels great. But constantly telling your friends your gripes — even the smallest stuff — can sabotage your relationship. Your friends want to support you, will sympathize with you, and won’t challenge you. So then everyone comes away from the chat with the deep opinion that your person is usually in the wrong. All your complaining and moaning can have a lasting effect on how your friends feel about your person, and eventually they’ll stop supporting your relationship because they remember every last jerky thing they’ve done. Not good. So, bottom line? You don’t have to cut the chit chat altogether…but tone it down, and be sure to tell them about the nice things the person does every once in a while too.

4.     You Don’t Think You’re ATTRACTIVE

Do you have a hard time accepting compliments about your body? To keep your insecurities from hurting your relationship, the first thing you have to do is take your body-bashing down a notch. Stop pointing out your flaws— you don’t want them to start believing what you’re saying, do you? It’s easier said than done, but start making the transition by incorporating confident little changes in the bedroom. Even if you really don’t want the lights on, try lighting a few candles instead. After all, everyone looks good in candlelight!

5.       You Confuse Hopes with Realistic Expectations

Have you ever fantasized about your person doing something special — say, throwing a surprise birthday party for you — and then thought about it so much that when it didn’t happen, you were genuinely disappointed? This kind of behavior can wreak havoc on your bond. You can’t walk into a relationship with a script. A lot of us have neurotic expectations, but are so invested in our fantasies that we keep going back to them. It’s fine to hope for certain things from your person, but they need to be based on some realistic potential of actually being satisfied. Focus on the stuff your person does right (rather than what they’re not doing), and you’ll strengthen — not sabotage — your love connection.